“If, having reached the age of forty, you still find yourself despised by others, you will remain despised to the end of your days.”
Confucius, The Analects, Book 17 Verse 26
To be a virgin at a later age confers a certain stigma on a man. I can think of no apt metaphor then the stock market. If you consider a person like you would a share of stock in a company, your view of the value of such a person is not only based on what features that are generally important, the fundamentals, but also the company’s reputation with the public. So a blue-chip stock, though perhaps overvalued in terms of fundamentals, is a safe bet if only because other people already find it valuable. Whereas a penny stock, though perhaps underrated based on fundamentals, is to be avoided because everyone else is avoiding it. And if people follow the herd when they buy/sell stock, you can bet that they do it even more so when picking romantic partners. After all, who you are romantically attached with confers a certain status. A male virgin, let’s be honest, is clearly not valued by the general populace, and although he may be underrated in terms of fundamentals (maybe, or maybe not. Maybe there is a good reason why he is avoided), what does it say about the purchaser to be rooting around in the bargain bin in the first place. I mean, right? You know?
You will see this play out in the most innocuous of ways in all sorts of movies. For instance, in The Notebook, during that time period when Ryan Gosling is estranged from Rachel McAdams, the movie takes pains to make clear that he is still having sex with other women. It is important to show that he is capable of finding women that will have sex with him. This is important to his appeal.
(The above analysis applies more to men than women. A woman that remains a virgin promises exclusivity, which is a prize to the preternaturally jealous male mind.)
This sense of stigma is what Writer/Director Judd Apatow sought to explore in his first feature The 40-Year-Old Virgin. According to the audio commentary, it is based in part of Judd’s own experience of a multi-year self-imposition of virginity after multiple poor sexual performances on his part. That sense of shame forms the underlying base of an emotionally honest but also crude and very funny movie. Steve Carell, in his first starring performance as a male romantic lead (at the age of 43), is Andy, the titular virgin. In a sneakily great performance, he at once combines the self-conscious terror of his shame with the frustration of not having any idea what to do about it. Invited to a poker night with his fellow employees at a local electronics retailer, he tries to bluff his way through an exchange of dirty stories but gives up the game when he describes a woman’s breast as akin to a bag of sand. On the spot, his fellow employees (played by Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, and Romany Malco) decide it is their mission to get Andy laid. Andy has the look of a deer in the headlights, scared witless but unable to avoid the primal forces of nature about to engulf him.
What follows is a trial-and-error journey through several layers of bad advice. It is taken as a given between the employees that the first time will be full of bad sex, so Andy shouldn’t waste it on someone he cares about. Romany Malco suggests he picks up a drunk woman. Although this could conceivably work, it doesn’t consider Andy’s generally upstanding character. After all, if he was the type of person who would or could screw a woman under the influence, he wouldn’t still be a virgin. Seth Rogen also gives bad advice, until you consider its logical corollary, which is ultimately helpful. “Most men don’t understand how to talk to women,” he observes. He advises Andy to, “just ask questions.” This works because what a man has to do when he only asks question, is to listen to what the woman is saying. Actual good advice is given by Paul Rudd who merely confirms that sex with someone you love is a great thing that is worth the effort. Of course, the problem with Paul Rudd’s example is that the woman he is in love with doesn’t reciprocate his feelings.
Ultimately, Andy succeeds with Trish (played by Catherine Keener, aged 46 in 2005), a woman with her own stigma. Trish is a grandmother. That is, she had a child when she was about 20 years old who just had a child at the time of the movie. This is a stigma for women (not men) because of the previously mentioned prize of exclusivity. Regardless of stigma though, solely based on the fundamentals, both Andy and Trish are catches. They are gainfully employed, in great shape, and are generally good people. As a bonus, they do not have current substance abuse problems. It really shouldn’t be so hard for people like this to find each other. But then again, this was 2005, right about the time families and friends stopped being matchmakers but before online dating. It is not like you are about to meet either Andy or Trish in a bar.
[Spoiler Alert: Andy and Trish totally do it. In what is the most old-fashioned and charming detail about this frequently crude movie, there isn’t any sex that is premarital.]
Looking back after twenty years, this movie is notable in just the sheer amount of supporting actors/actresses that someday would become movie stars. Catherine Keener was already established, but this is Steve Carell first starring role. Seth Rogen, still in his early twenties but looking as old as anyone else, and Paul Rudd would start headlining their own string of movies within a few years later. Then there are single scenes of Kevin Hart trying to buy a stereo, Jonah Hill trying to buy shoes, and Mindy Kaling at a speed-dating event. Kat Dennings and Elizabeth Banks (in a thankless role) are here in supporting roles as well. Good ensemble movies have a way of boosting the careers of everyone involved in them.
This was the directorial debut of Judd Apatow and it came in the early part of a string of produced/directed movies that would establish him as the most reliable force of comedy between 2004 and 2011. He went on to direct Knocked Up and Funny People in that time, produced Will Ferrell’s Anchorman, Talladega Nights, and Step Brothers, early Seth Rogen, James Franco, and Jonah Hill movies like Pineapple Express and Superbad, and finally, the great Bridesmaids in 2011.
One of the hallmarks of these movies is the room given to the actors for improvisation. This was part of an early 2000s trend (see also Christopher Guest and Curb Your Enthusiasm) that set up a scene on the page but gave actors the ability to just spit out lines on the spot. The B-Roll from these takes would become special features in the DVD or the basis of an unrated director’s cut that was always inferior to the movie originally seen in the theater. (What movie wouldn’t be worse if you added 10 minutes of jokes not good enough to be in the original cut), Some actors are much better at this than others. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, when an actor is trying to improvise comedy, they just say the most obscene thing that comes to mind. There is an Indian character named Mooj in this movie (played by Gerry Bednob) that can’t seem to do anything but spout foul language and tell people to fuck goats. Much better is the improvisational master class given by Jane Lynch as Andy’s boss. She keeps her lines understated and tells stories, like the one about being seduced as a girl by her household’s Guatemalan gardener. After 20 years, Jane Lynch is much funnier that Gerry Bednob in this movie.
Also, a few more items that we may notice while looking back:
1. You can’t call and just hang up anymore. We have universal Caller I.D.
2. That “We Sell Your Stuff on Ebay” store, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
3. Andy’s advice not to buy a new VHS machine is spot on.
4. Finally, and I suspect this has always been true: Sex, it is a great thing. And Love, arguably the best.
My original review may be found here: https://maxsminimoviemagazine.blogspot.com/2010/10/40-year-old-virgin-092105.html
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